More in love each day...

The longer I stay here, the more I feel I have discovered the city and now I discover the people. With my close group of friends and cafe chats I really feel I could stay a bit longer now. Today I went to what was the only comparison to a real coffee shop here in Paris, and that it not to be confused with a cafe. Now what is the difference you might ask? Well in NYC we have lots coffee shops, a place of gathering for writers, regulars, students etc. Drinking a good old cup of Joe and hanging around for hours on end. A cafe here in Paris is a place to eat, drink and well hang for an hour or two. You look sort of like a squatter if you just stay around for hours on end at a cafe here in Paris.

But one of the sweeter things about the day was going to a dinner based on American style dinners, and meeting a few local internationals studying here in Paris. A sweet little Korean Puerto Rican from California, a British fellow and quirky Mexican. I felt I could have spent my whole evening there listening to their stories and what brought them to Paris. People always say my story sounds amazing, (artist moves to Paris after "Uni" to write a book etc) but these people have the true amazing stories...not even done with studies, or even able to speak the language when they move away to a foreign country...yup they make me look like a sucker!

So what was I doing on a Friday night in Paris today? Reading a book at my favorite little cafe while sipping on a espresso with Baily's cream. It's all bliss to me...the servers at the cafe know me by hard already and greet me with a kiss and hug every time I see them now...I will miss this circle of warm people here in Paris.

Paris at 9:30 a.m.

It's a 9:30 crisp morning air here in Paris on a bright beautiful August morning...this scene might seem more then cliche in an anyone's mind as they read my current blog entry. But this is what it is, blissful and perfect and the couple next to me just adds to the view. They are having a couple of cappuccino's and just discussing, I can't quite tell if they are tourists or just morning Parisians but all I can think of are my parent's. Older couples always appear much cuter to me then they might actually be to any other person.

I know I have found one particular thing about this morning, the earlier the wake up... the better the inspiration. I just wanted to open up my tiny little pink net-book and start writing. Even long after the couple is gone and strolling down the street I am writing away. Lost in nostalgia as I begin to enter the next chapter in my book about my journey from Munich to Milan. I remember this humble feeling I had about life after I left Dachau but I am struggling to bring fourth that emotion in my writing...something's about New York made me run to Paris and now I am slowly believing those same things are going to bring me back to NYC.

Until then, the sun is starting to come over the building and the hours are starting to pass this morning...I think it will be noon in Paris soon.

Let Go

The countdown continues, I return home in just a couple of weeks. I also leave for Morocco in a less than a week. I am also quite content because I actually feel like I have made the most of my experience here in Paris. I don't feel like I will leave with an unsatisfied taste in my mouth. Everyday waking up and writing, going to my little favorite cafe to read my book and make friends. And some nights spent a bit more inebriated than I would prefer but still spent with good friends. I think if I had to pick one thing I will miss the most here, it is the special people I have met. Crazy men in the cafe who keep your attention for hours on end, good friends with whom you spend to many nights drunk with or too many days eating.

Another amazing thing has occurred to me since I have been in Paris. While working on my book, I find it quite difficult to let go of a lot of feelings that I have harbored towards a couple of characters. Some of those characters being my ex boyfriends. In particular my first one, my first love as i specifically remember him. But I sat at a cafe one day reading a great chapter in Eat Pray Love, one particular chapter on forgiveness. And I just remember feeling a warmth in my stomach, as I almost began to cry over her description of letting go of her ex-husband.

I immediately thought to myself, why haven't I forgiven my ex-boyfriend. This guy who played such an important role in my life at one point, and in this book...why haven't I let go. Was I waiting for a feeling like this to overcome me or was I waiting for another sign. Difference between me and this book was the fact that my ex had tried contacting me in the last couple of years. When I think back to my grudge I do feel bad having kept one for so long. But that has now changed, I went home and contacted him via face book and wrote him a letter of...forgiveness. Who knows if we will ever enter each others lives again but I would like to know I have also....Let go.

Is it really almost time?

Oh how time flies, already leaving in three week! When I first arrived I felt as if I were a tourist visiting Paris for the first time, and now the end is near and I feel like I could have extended my trip longer. So many things I still want to see and new things I keep discovering. I finally moved into the 5th district where I have a tiny studio in the heart of the Latin Quarter. No seriously, absolutely tiny, as in my shower in adjacent to my kitchen sink, (and no there is not door dividing the two). But I do kind of feel like a true writer in residence. My ground floor apartment over looks a backyard garden which can be either of two things, good AND bad. Good for morning sun and fresh air and a silent view, but bad for the critters who make their way into the apartment without any given permission. Yes I have killed two spiders already.

I go to my favorite cafe everyday where I am finally meeting my dose of real Parisians and even practicing my French. I made particular friends with an old man who spoke seven languages. I'm not quite sure why I stayed and spoke to him for so long, or why I took his cell phone number but very glad that I did, he had old stories that kept me wanting to hear of more. He was balding with gentle crisp blue eyes. I spend most of my time listening, and interestingly enough, he has inspired my writing more than any other person has here.

It's also going to be quite sad leaving the group of friends I have made here, just when intimate stories have began exchanging and drunk nights you will never forget have begun happening, I have to go. But for some reason I have this gut instinct that I will be returning to Paris, maybe to write my second book or even to see the people I have come to call my family away from home. Who really knows? I am certain of one thing though, I have learned more about myself than I expected to. My strengths and weakness, my will to get over random sad nights. The other night I had my first extreme sad night where I was severely missing my mom, to the point of tears. It's crazy how you don't realize how much you miss your mothers embrace until it's completely out of your life. And all the fights and annoying things about her, are suddenly forgotten and you can't even completely remember what she does to annoy you. But for some reason I'm sure I will be reminded of that one as soon as I return home

I appreciate things he more, the random nights out and all the people I meet, dinners with food I have never tasted before, and walks down winding streets with cafe's and shops only one would find here in Paris. This inner emotion has only been triggered here, I now crave more and yearn to taste something new, and I only want to explore more and more.

I went to the north of France last week and stayed with a friends family. In this beautiful house not to far into the country. The city itself was absolutely charming, and the food! Well let's just say if you want good French food, I wouldn't come to Paris. I ate so much while in Metz, and absorbed something that was completely foreign to me. I almost didn't want to leave and was saddened that I had only seen this one gorgeous city outside of Paris. I wondered if this was comparable to the south.

Next stop is Morocco, after all who knows when I will have time again to see this country and it's been on my to do list for quite a while. I feel extremely privileged to be able to keep making new dreams come true for myself. Privileged by whom, I don't really know...one shouldn't always analyze these things.

A piece of Paris for everyone

Small world is the most necessary cliche word to keep in our dictionary. Because I have been in Paris over four weeks and I have met with more people from home here that I haven't seen in a years time. My friend Sarah has come to stay with me which is funny because me and Sarah met over three years ago working at Starbucks together. And although we have a mutual friend together we were never that close. But when I heard Sarah was studying in Spain for the summer and stopping in on Paris I just had to offer her a place to stay, hey I am my mothers daughter after all. I will say this I was a bit apprehensive because I wasn't that close to Sarah and I know hosting people can be quite expensive and I was on a budget here in Paris but her stay was more than good. She was extremely generous and quite funny to have around. We were both in quite amazement at how close we had become for not actually being so close back home. I also felt pretty good knowing the city very well and being able to take someone around. And it was so nice having a fellow New Yorker here from home to understand me and in this crazy different city.

I took her for wine in Montmarte, dinner in Bastille, a walking tour of central Paris, and more wine along the canal. The day started at 9am and seemed never ending, cash didn't even seem to matter after a while because I myself was enjoying the city in ways I hadn't done while I was here and I guess I enjoy hosting people more than I thought because it made me happy just to see Sarah's face light up when she saw something new and beautiful because I myself felt the same way when I first arrived in Paris and I find it's a feeling I want everyone to experience.

Today however has been dedicated to writing and well lets just say it's coming along extremely well. Finished my fourth chapter which was much longer than I expected it to be but I felt so good moving forward. Look's like going MIA for a couple of days out of every week is just what I need for my writing. I disconnect my internet and turn off my phone and let my fingers do the talking. My quite apartment is all I need but today it looks like I want to go into town and get a cappuccino, Sarah insist on taking us for a nice French dinner as a thank you so I am saving my appetite for later :-). I hate cheesy smiley faces when I am writing but my mood is something that can't be explained in complete words!